Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
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ttyl tear gas
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize