well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
