look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
