My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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