i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
