Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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