Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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