okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The adults are the big ones right?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
