that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize