True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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