My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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