i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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