I want to have your abortion
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I got inside last night via doggy door
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Never underestimate the power of titties
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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