im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
