I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
