hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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