So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
