do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
