Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
