his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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