I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
