Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I need water and some morals
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
