haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
