i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
