??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The beer is more important than you right now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
