oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
