You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
