I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wear drunk well.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
