you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize