Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
