Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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