i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
