if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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