I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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