its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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