So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
