I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
