I am in a vortex of obligation.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
