I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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