I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize