Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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