I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
