pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
