Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
