It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
