my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
