Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
