Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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