i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
