we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
