Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
what the fuck happened to the tacos
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
