i love accidental penises.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
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Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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