First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize