batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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