she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
