The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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