No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
