porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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