I am puke
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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