As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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