dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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